/* EBITDAswag data — products, ticker quotes, "you might need" lines, FAQ */

const PRODUCTS = [
  { id: 'ebitda-tee', name: 'EBITDA Tee', desc: 'The one that started it all.', price: '$38', tag: 'BESTSELLER', img: 'assets/products/p-ebitda-tee.png', delta: '+12.4%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'nfa-hoodie', name: 'Not Financial Advice Hoodie', desc: 'The disclaimer you can wear.', price: '$78', tag: 'NEW', img: 'assets/products/p-nfa-hoodie.png', delta: '+8.1%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'ebitda-hat', name: 'EBITDA Visor', desc: 'The one from Mexico. The original.', price: '$32', tag: 'OG', img: 'assets/products/p-ebitda-hat.png', delta: '+22.7%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'adj-ebitda', name: 'Adjusted EBITDA Tee', desc: "The insider's upgrade.", price: '$42', tag: 'HOT', img: 'assets/products/p-adj-ebitda-tee.png', delta: '+5.3%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'dcf-chill', name: 'DCF & Chill Tee', desc: 'Date night, finance edition.', price: '$38', tag: null, img: 'assets/products/p-dcf-chill-tee.png', delta: '+2.1%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'you-had-me', name: 'You Had Me at EBITDA Tee', desc: 'A love letter to the metric.', price: '$38', tag: 'LOW STOCK', img: 'assets/products/p-you-had-me-tee.png', delta: '-1.4%', dir: 'down' },
  { id: 'irr-anything', name: 'IRR Anything Hoodie', desc: 'PE energy in two words.', price: '$78', tag: 'NEW', img: 'assets/products/p-irr-hoodie.png', delta: '+9.6%', dir: 'up' },
  { id: 'cash-king', name: 'Cash Is King Tee', desc: 'Timeless. Like the metric.', price: '$38', tag: null, img: 'assets/products/p-cash-king-tee.png', delta: '+3.8%', dir: 'up' },
];

const TICKER_QUOTES_A = [
  { quote: '"I wore this to a board meeting and my CFO asked where to buy one."', who: 'ANON · PE ASSOCIATE' },
  { quote: '"My wife doesn\'t understand why I need three EBITDA hats. I don\'t understand the question."', who: 'ANON · VP M&A' },
  { quote: '"Got promoted the week I started wearing the visor. Correlation, not causation. But still."', who: 'ANON · ANALYST' },
  { quote: '"Someone at the airport asked if EBITDA was a band. I said yes. We\'re huge in finance."', who: 'ANON · MD' },
  { quote: '"My Hinge profile says emotionally unavailable, financially liquid. Bought the shirt to match."', who: 'ANON · IB ASSOCIATE' },
];

const TICKER_QUOTES_B = [
  { quote: '"This hoodie has logged more board meetings than my CEO."', who: 'ANON · CFO' },
  { quote: '"Wore the Adjusted EBITDA tee to a Q4 close. Nobody laughed. They all bought one."', who: 'ANON · CONTROLLER' },
  { quote: '"My therapist says I should stop quantifying my self-worth in basis points. New shirt incoming."', who: 'ANON · VP CORP DEV' },
  { quote: '"Compliance approved this. I checked."', who: 'ANON · IB ANALYST' },
  { quote: '"The DCF & Chill hat is the most important purchase of my Q3."', who: 'ANON · MBA \'25' },
];

const YMN_LINES = [
  "You've described a restaurant as accretive to your evening.",
  "Your group chat is 40% memes and 60% spreadsheet screenshots.",
  "You've said let me model that out about choosing a vacation.",
  "You know your company's EBITDA margin but not your blood type.",
  "You've ever referred to a breakup as a strategic divestiture.",
  "Your love language is free cash flow.",
  "You've used run rate in a sentence about your personal life.",
  "You think basis points are a valid unit of measurement for anything.",
  "You've described your apartment as priced at a premium to comps.",
  "You once said that's not in my mandate to get out of doing dishes.",
];
const YMN_HIGHLIGHT = {
  0: ['accretive to your evening'],
  1: ['40% memes', '60% spreadsheet screenshots'],
  2: ['model that out'],
  3: ['EBITDA margin', 'blood type'],
  4: ['strategic divestiture'],
  5: ['free cash flow'],
  6: ['run rate'],
  7: ['basis points'],
  8: ['premium to comps'],
  9: ["that's not in my mandate"],
};

const FAQ = [
  { q: 'Is this real financial advice?', a: 'Absolutely not. We are a t-shirt company. If you\'re getting investment advice from the people who made the "Leveraged to the Tits" hoodie, please reconsider your decision-making framework.' },
  { q: "What's the return policy?", a: "30 days, no questions asked. Unlike your fund's lockup period, we believe in liquidity." },
  { q: 'How long does shipping take?', a: "2–5 business days in the US. Faster than your company's reimbursement process. Slower than you marking up a deal book. So, pretty fast." },
  { q: 'Do you do bulk / corporate orders?', a: "Yes. We've outfitted PE teams, accounting firms, and one very enthusiastic MBA cohort. Email us at orders@ebitdaswag.com and we'll put together a proposal. With a DCF, if you want." },
  { q: 'My boss saw my shirt and wants one. Is that weird?', a: "That's not weird. That's accretive to your career. Send them the link." },
  { q: 'Can I wear this to a client meeting?', a: 'Depends on the client. If they understand EBITDA: yes. If they don\'t: also yes, but you might need to find new clients.' },
  { q: "I don't work in finance. Can I still buy this?", a: "Of course. We believe in financial inclusion. If you know what EBITDA stands for, you're one of us. If you don't, you're about to learn, and that shirt will be waiting for you." },
];

const WILD = [
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-1.png', handle: '@morgan.s · 7:42 AM', wide: true },
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-2.png', handle: '@jpk_pe' },
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-3.png', handle: '@cfo.energy' },
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-4.png', handle: '@analystlife' },
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-5.png', handle: '@founder' },
  { img: 'assets/ugc/ugc-6.png', handle: '@mba_drop' },
];

Object.assign(window, { PRODUCTS, TICKER_QUOTES_A, TICKER_QUOTES_B, YMN_LINES, YMN_HIGHLIGHT, FAQ, WILD });